JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
