Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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