I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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