I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
