our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
