I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize