my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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