Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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