took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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