what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
