I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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