Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
