Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
