I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
