no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
