Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
