life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
