; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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