Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
