I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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