i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
