fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
