Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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