Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
