this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
