Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize