I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
