You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
