I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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