I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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