moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dignity is for republicans.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize