Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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