i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
