I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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