I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
