you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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