I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
