sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize