You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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