I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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