remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
