My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
organizing the empties. That sober.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
