The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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