woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
