Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
