she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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