no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
