can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
