Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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