I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
