I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
