I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
