Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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