so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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