The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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