i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
God I need to hump something, right now.
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