Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
