TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
