Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
