Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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