if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
