he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
