youre lurking in front of me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize