i was born a porn star she said
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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