The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
