YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
