Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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