he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
bring money and cleavage
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize