FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
