If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
