Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
