oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
