I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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