no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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