i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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