dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
