did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
