Plan B is the new Plan A
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
tell me about the eggs
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