So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
