wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
