Having a random hookup so left but love u
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
