So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
