tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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