i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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