I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize