see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize