Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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