just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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