IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
