Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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