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I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
