this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did not marry a roomba.
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