Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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