It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
