are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
