Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
