you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize