the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
