I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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