Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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