Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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