weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
