Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize